@briangaar: [Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PaulyPeligroso: 90 years from now, they'll sing songs about the courage and bravery you displayed during the great "Instagram Selling Your Photos" skirmish.
@SortaBad: Judge: Ms Spears, how do you plea? "I'm not. that. innocent." *frustrated defense counsel tosses like 9000 papers in the air*
@kylekinane: Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we'd still be talking about how we're not finding that airplane.
@iscoff: If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich