[being strapped into the electric chair] Are you mad at me?
You Might Also Like
*gets sentenced to 25 years in prison*
*opens twitter app*
*flexing arms* I’d like you to meet my two good friends, Sledge and-
Holy shit that’s way cooler.. I was gonna say Sledge 2
I love The Sims because I can act out my craziest fantasies like advancing in my career and building relationships.
My personal tradition at every wedding I go to is to wish the bride and groom happy birthday
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I’m done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
Of course I care about ethical farming practices and proper nutrition. My eggs came from chickens who were fed only the finest vegetarians.
“Try it, it’s so good!”
“Come on, man. Just a taste.”
“I’m having some. Mmmm.”
Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer.
Date: I enjoy living here, but I do miss West Virginia
Me: *excited* MOUNTAIN MAMMAAAA
Date: Would you please stop doing that every time I say West Virg-
Me: MOUNTAIN MAMMAAAA
Date: Ugh, please just take me home
Me: *ecstatic* COUNTRY ROOOADS