Captcha: pick all the squares with worms

Me: *sigh* why is it always click bait

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I got this “breathe” tattoo because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.


Hipster: Check out my mini..
Me: *snatches and eats
Hipster:.. Bonsai tree
Me: *swallows* It’s alright for a veggie
Me: anymore?


just saw the gorilla thing. what kind of thoughtless, negligent parent would raise their child in ohio


Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.


Bank robber: everyone get down now!

me *starts dancing frantically*


Promised myself that today I wouldn’t steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain’t bad


Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat….

Not as easy as it looks is it?


I’ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him a picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator:
“You’re 22.”


Traditional marriage was between a boy’s parents and a girl’s parents. And maybe some cattle.


Since Walking Dead isn’t on I’ve hid pot from my stoner friends. As they amble around looking for it I’m shooting them with paint ball guns.