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@: Carol is short for Casserole.
@omgthatspunny: It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
@murrman5: *buys Sushi for Dummies*
*reads first page of Sushi for Dummies*
*turns off oven*
@Jake_Vig: "This is the ride that killed Jimmy."
- me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
@punmagnate: Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity
@PJTLynch: Captain America: I got the alert, what’s the emergency?
Avengers: Well, it’s snowing, so...
CA [handing over shield]: Last time! Buy a sled!