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@Poutymcgee: [Carpenter First Date]
So, tell me about your shelf.
@SteveKoehler22: Just opened a collision repair
shop called “Auto Correct.”
@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating?
Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
@lisaxy424: Whenever I'm feeling fat, I try not to stress about it and just keep my chins up.
@ibid78: [me] if all dogs go to heaven, then what about Cujo?
[the pope] how did you get into my bathroom?
@JonnyStallone: If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"