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@Poutymcgee: [Carpenter First Date]
So, tell me about your shelf.
@TheLeslieMommy: Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, "So are you sick?"
No, I'm just here for the free CNN.
@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.
@GermanFreckles: *enter password*
*new password can't be the same as old password*
@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@HansGrubertron: INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in five years?
ME: Probably my communication skills.