Cashier: do you want cash back?
Me: I mean who wouldn’t. There’s ring of fire, I walk the line. Let’s not forget his christmas album
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Juliet: you know it’s true love, when you finish each other’s-
Juliet: [sighs all annoyed] like why do you say shit like that?
Me:I gotta go home. Im bleeding & my computers broken
Boss:looks like u just slammed ur head thru the computer screen
Me:what is this CSI?
if you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask you for a glass of milk.
don’t give it to him.
give him another cookie.
now he’s super thirsty.
he’ll do anything for that milk.
Me: Alright. Does everyone have their parachutes?
Dave who sometimes lies for fun: *giggling* Yah.
Her: Who was your first love?
H: What was she like?
M: She was little.
H: Are you talking about snacks?
M: [mouth full] Maybe.
Cop : “Lets Do a drug test” Me: “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”
*An elderly Louie Pasteur and I sit among the clover, I hold a shotgun*
Me: It’s time to put you out to pasture. *Cocks shotgun*
i dont understand how humans can land on the moon but also sometimes a snake gets loose from the zoo like are we good at things or not
You can tell a lot about a person by
what they swallow first when a cop
pulls um over.