Maybe my threats will be more effective if, after I mentioned all the people I’ve killed, I don’t say, “in RuneScape.”
CASHIER: Would you like a plastic bag you worthless, turtle killing garbage person?
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Him: Wtf is wrong with you?
*remembers when I sold my soul to Satan for more Oreos
Me: I’m just really tired.
I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers.
Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
Me: I’m too scared to fly
Therapist: You’re more likely to die from a shark attack than a plane crash
Me: OMG SHARKS CAN FLY?
BELLE: *Trying to be polite* So, why do they call you Beast?
BEAST: *Legitimately surprised and hurt* People call me Beast?
*gets a series of eyebrow rings*
*hangs little curtains from them to cover my face*
[texting in 1918]
*pigeon delivers message*
*msg reads: I don’t love you*
*turns to u*
why would u send this?
“it was 6 days ago. I was mad”
felt cute might bury dad later idk
6yo has two pregnant Barbies and one Ken doll. You could cut the tension in the Barbie camper with a tiny stiletto.