Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

@humanaaron: cashier: would you like a receipt?

me: . o O (if someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me)

cashier: well?

me: I want to talk to a lawyer

cashier: would you like a receipt? me: . o O (if someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me) cashier: well? me: I want to talk to a lawyer
1 comments

COMMENTS

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

@chris_witha_see: Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references "yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"

1

@daplusk: Whenever someone hugs me, I close my eyes and pretend they're a donut

1

@causticbob: The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

1

@seethenare: If you're a couple who sit on the same side of the booth, I'mma slide into the empty seat and eat your fries. Stop creeping everyone out.

1

@KentWGraham: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

1
↑