I couldn’t remember the term “hazmat suit,” so I called it a “science burqa.”
Cashier: you’re 8 cents short
Me: it’s only 8 cents can you just let it slide
Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now
You Might Also Like
welcome to janurary 32nd everyone
[post-apocalypse open mic]
Me: So…how’s everyone’s bone health tonight? Vitamin D & calcium levels looking gooood??
Forest fires are caused by dragons accidentally sneezing near a tree.
They’re very embarrassed about it and that’s why we never see them
Target can refuse you a job, but they can’t stop you from asking the guests in dressing rooms if everything’s fitting ok
Cereal is basically dog food for humans.
“Is your refrigerator running?”
“Hasn’t decided yet,” I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A “FRIDGE 2016” banner hangs above him
I don’t see any clouds today so where is your data really stored?
ME: Do you want children?
ME: Me too.
HER: That’s great!
ME: [gestures to next table] How ‘bout those?
ME: *whispers* Where are you parked?
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?