@donni
@hunz74
“Are you smarter than a 5th grader?”
Me: “Sometimes?”
“Are you smarter than a 16 year old?”
Me: “Always.”
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@hunz74
@LanieLalaBugs
You know what really makes me smile?
Fascial muscles.
@TheToddWilliams
The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.
@panmidwest
ME: i need to talk to you about something kind of awkward
GENE: what is it
ME: hygiene
GENE: hi kev
@weezeebee
Being a zombie wouldn’t be that bad if it wasn’t for all the walking.
@shawnhitch22
After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.
@River_Niles
Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word
Me: Hired
Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??
@nadiabulkin
Horror movies don’t get enough credit for encouraging kids to pursue research at their local library
@SEvans_author
Karate Kid taught an entire generation that there is nothing that dedication, perseverance, and an illegal kick to the face can’t solve
@Bob_Janke
If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything – Marilyn Monroe
If you believe that try showing her your race car bed – Me.