
“Are you smarter than a 5th grader?”
Me: “Sometimes?”
“Are you smarter than a 16 year old?”
Me: “Always.”
“Are you smarter than a 5th grader?”
Me: “Sometimes?”
“Are you smarter than a 16 year old?”
Me: “Always.”
You know what really makes me smile?
Fascial muscles.
The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.
ME: i need to talk to you about something kind of awkward
GENE: what is it
ME: hygiene
GENE: hi kev
Being a zombie wouldn’t be that bad if it wasn’t for all the walking.
After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.
Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word
Me: Hired
Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??
Horror movies don’t get enough credit for encouraging kids to pursue research at their local library
Karate Kid taught an entire generation that there is nothing that dedication, perseverance, and an illegal kick to the face can’t solve
If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything – Marilyn Monroe
If you believe that try showing her your race car bed – Me.