@donni

Castles are great but I wish you could rent other forms of bouncy architecture

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@hunz74

“Are you smarter than a 5th grader?”

Me: “Sometimes?”

“Are you smarter than a 16 year old?”

Me: “Always.”

@TheToddWilliams

The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.

@panmidwest

ME: i need to talk to you about something kind of awkward

GENE: what is it

ME: hygiene

GENE: hi kev

@weezeebee

Being a zombie wouldn’t be that bad if it wasn’t for all the walking.

@shawnhitch22

After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.

@River_Niles

Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word

Me: Hired

Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??

@nadiabulkin

Horror movies don’t get enough credit for encouraging kids to pursue research at their local library

@SEvans_author

Karate Kid taught an entire generation that there is nothing that dedication, perseverance, and an illegal kick to the face can’t solve

@Bob_Janke

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything – Marilyn Monroe

If you believe that try showing her your race car bed – Me.