@OtherDanOBrien

[Cat birthday party]
*Cat opens gift from her husband*
“It’s…an empty box.”
*silence*
“Oh honey, I love it!”

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daddy how does Santa go to everyone’s house by morning?

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@thesulk

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partygoer: so your wife is a lifeguard

me: yep

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me: that’s right

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me: tall chair store

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@LDLevesque

I always envisioned Hermione as a burly, middle-aged Italian fellow, so imagine my surprise when the films revealed her to be a little girl.