hi and welcome to hidden chair club. please find your seat
*cat lays on my leg*
*I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won’t leave*
*I move half an inch*
*cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
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I wonder if tarantulas are nostalgic for the 70s, when excessive body hair was still cool?
*Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on my counter*
LYSOL: “Hey .1% germs…
Tell your friends”
I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups.
And not ONE ab to show for it.
If I am wearing red lipstick you can be sure I have one thing on my mind..
I hope I don’t have any on my teeth.
Nurse: I’ve never seen anything like it
Me: I’m not surprised
Doctor: You’re the first patient I’ve had with a blood type of *checks chart* chocolate milk
If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you’re intrested and afraid to talk to girls.
My therapist told me “Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them.” Did that, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
You strike me as one of those people who show up and debunk all the fun in the last 2 minutes of an otherwise scintillating UFO TV program.
Fun prank – this Christmas leave a charred skeleton wearing a Santa hat in the fire place for your kids to find.