What do you call a group of kids?
….. a migraine
me: actually its about games in journalism
*cat continues to ask for food*
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I never realized how many “favorite” coffee mugs I had until other people tried to use them.
I WAS LIKE
AND HE WAS LIKE
AND I WAS LIKE
AND SHE WAS LIKE
(The speech impediment of the 21st century)
Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.
Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.
SNOW WHITE: so how’d you get your names?
SNEEZY: I sneeze a lot
SLEEPY: I sleep a lot
GRUMPY: my wife left me
[first day as a doctor]
me: u have breaked both your legs
patient: damn! so now?
me: we will be putting ur legs in a bowl of rice
Women that date guys with bad grammar are the goodest.
Perverts have made it so you can’t even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls’ college diving team meets anymore.
My 7 year old son told me “You’re the most beautiful mommy ever!”
I asked him what he did and where’s he hiding it.