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@NaomiGlitter: Catch Pokemon?
No thanks. I'm STD- Free.
@QueenofSparta: Dog HQ
Dog leader: the catpocalypse has begun
Dog 1: destroy the fluffies
Dog 2: we'll take 'em down
007: meow. I mean, right on
@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again?
Works for my computer.
@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
@HomeProbably: Of course my days are numbered..
That's how calendars work.
@livlivme_do: me (buying wine): do you need to see my ID?
cashier: no, you're old enough, I can tell
me: okay, I don’t even want it anymore