A billion yahoo accounts got hacked, but the most surprising thing is that a billion people had yahoo accounts.
[catching up with an old friend]
me: [out of breath] how are you still so fast
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[guy about to invent monopoly]
*looking at friends* i have too many of these
*deep fries turkey
*deep fries deck
*deep fries backyard
*deep fries house
*deep fries neighborhood
*deep fries los angeles
I hate when you lose all that progress you made at the gym by going 6-7 years between workouts.
DOG 911: What’s your emer-
DOG: THERE’S WRAPPING PAPER EVERYWHERE
DOG 911: for you to tear up and eat?
DOG: NO THEY’RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY
DOG 911: OMG
When famous people say that the key to great skin is like… simply washing with soap… I want them to go to jaiI for this.
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.
“i said make him fetch”
“what have you done”
he looks pretty fetching to me
*dog in shirt & tie*
does he have a job interview or somet
I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells “Why you little!!!!!”
College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can’t find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.