Inside Out 2:
The girl enters puberty.
Her emotions get out of control.
She goes Goth.
Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep
Catfishing my ex… So you could say we’re back together.
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We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don’t even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore
Do you think Jesus described his hair color as light blonde or summer wheat?
Me: Unhand me you scoundrel!
Masseuse: Please stop saying that
My Eight Year Old: Why do I have to learn cursive?
Me: Literally no reason at all.
Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here’s what I’ve learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.
Oh you’re in the shower? Here’s the seven worst songs from your playlist.
– shuffle mode
My neighbour said I’m not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they’d prefer left over chicken to sandwiches
Yoda: *dies and fades away*
Luke: Thank God. I was so sick of his backward talking.
Ghost Yoda: Heard that, I did.
Me: *Wishes upon a star* Please, I just want the world to be a better place.
Asteroid: ON MY WAAAY!!!