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@JustMeTurtle: Cats are tough negotiators, they leave nothing on the table.
@rudy_mustang: creep in my dm: can i have a pic of your feet
me: what no
creep: i’ll venmo you $100
me: what color should i paint my toes
@PwrFulWmn: Can America keep it down?
Canada needs to work on Monday.
@Douchekevin: Anyone who says 'they wish they could be a fly on the wall' has clearly never been attacked by a woman with a rolled up newspaper.
@SleazySli: The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion.
@Glove_Monkey: Put the spoiled milk back in the fridge and hope it gets better.
- What I think when I hear someone is getting back together with an ex.