“It’s ok. This is normal for her.”
– How my friends explain me to others.
Cats can use their whiskers to navigate in the dark. I use my toes. And shins. And lots of cursing.
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“I love my Job!” -Job’s wife
A Canadian has a bad day:
(Traps a goose, and casts a spell)
Fly my lovely. Be aggressive. Block traffic, and shit everywhere. Be my wrath..
“I hate karaoke.”
“It’s pronounced kah-rah-oh-keh.”
“Now, I hate you too.”
Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to.
[fingers tented under chin]
What can I tweet that won’t make people yell at me
[brick flies through my window]
Computer: Prove you’re not a robot.
Me: *struggles to find all the road signs*
Computer: Maybe prove it to yourself first. I’ll wait.
Me: SHUT UP! I CAN DO THIS!
when I played the Sims if a sim got hungry/tired I’d just delete them and replace them with a copy who was content so maybe no kids for me
I like my women how I like my government: open and unprotected.
Dont kill anyone in a jealous rage.
Calm down and plan that shit first.