My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
You Might Also Like
Some say the glass is half empty. Some say it’s half full. I ask “Are you going to finish that?”.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
[first time trying standup]
Me: So, I was talking to a friend recen-
*from the back* LOL YEAH RIGHT
Me: Please, mom, not now
The term minivan implies the existence of a more spacious yet less practical mega van
You can totally cheat during board games with your kids if after 30 minutes, there is no end in sight. I’m looking at you Chutes and Ladders!
Get a red wallet that perfectly matches the red interior of your purse and have mini heart attacks every time you go to pay for something.
[receives death threat]
please stop flirting with me
Batman V Superman 2:
Both men agree their last battle was too destructive
They settle their differences by playing Uno
Loser leaves earth