@ZiziFothSi

Cats. Honed by centuries of evolution into efficient, remorseless hunters. Also:

You Might Also Like

@ClassADude

Ever misread a tweet and think someone is being sarcastic so you laugh and retweet them only to realize later they weren’t being sarcastic and are really bat-shit crazy? Yeah, me neither.

@sfreeze6

Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.

@aissalanis

My dog is a firm believer in teamwork.

I stepped away to use the restroom for a minute and when I came back he had finished my nachos for me.

@iwearaonesie

me *brings toddler his popsicle* What do you say?
toddler: Finally

@nerdjpg

It’s 2007. You’re working on a PowerPoint for school. It’s about ancient Egypt. You select the Papyrus font.

“Yes, Perfect”

@cornax

The IBS drug commercial that mentions “urgent diarrhea” implies there’s also a laid back, non-urgent form of diarrhea that I’ve never had.

@SteveKoehler22

So many designer dogs now-
Cavapoos, labradoodles, chugs …

When is someone going to cross a
Bulldog and Shih Tzu ?

That’s Bullshit.

@BarneysNose

I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could have a look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so freaking rude…

@rn_murse

Just because you haven’t met the love of your life yet….yeah, no. I have nothing.

@MUMSIEesq

ME: My husband says you use special traps that put the mice outside to play with their friends

EXTERMINATOR [LOOKS AT HUSBAND]: umm, yeaahh