I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
Cats love it when you give them a mohawk
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Would you rather fight one 800lb gorilla or 800 1lb gorillas that trust you as their parent?
6:There’s a monster under my bed
Me:That’s silly! There’s no such thi..OH GOD IT’S EATING MY ARM
ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
Whenever I can’t sleep, I always end up eating like 37 snacks in bed.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nia.
GIRL: contestant #1 tell me how u would woo me
ME: woo like in duck tales woo woo or a different type of woo?
G: contestant #2
Memes like this are the reason I still use social media.
media: *finds out mail bomber is white* Apologetic Man Did Secret Santa Early and Wrong
i edited the lyrics of mr brightside using google autocomplete results
“Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you’re terrible at this.” – piece of popcorn stuck between teeth.
Offered the kids $5 to clean so they could learn about money and then didn’t pay them so they could learn about randomly trusting people.