@Procaffinator: Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos.
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@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@dshack8: I'm weird but not "sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I've got no plans to leave" weird. That stuff's 4 serial killers.
@SuperApple80: If I had a dragon, I’d be the coolest chick on my street for at least 45 seconds before everyone saw me fall off my dragon.