2 reasons why im fat
1) i eat when I’m bored
2) im always bored
Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli.
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Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob
“What’s his last name?”
Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants
2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
Coworker: What are those chocolate coins you guys get on Hanukkah called?
Me: No, Jews get that all year round.
He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them.
i’m tired of the phrase “too bad” so from now on I’m saying “that’s cactuses” and if you don’t like it well that’s cactuses
She’s constantly mad at me
“There are squirrels living in our house”
THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN
Holy shit you guys. Twitter works outside too.
In honour ouf Canada Day, I’m incourpourating unnecessary ‘u’s intou my wourds.
interviewer: what’s your background?
me: mainly sales and marketing but—
interviewer: no, I’m talking about that framed poster of the lady bunny from space jam