@markleggett: Celebrities are so rich because they save money every time they attend a movie premiere for free.
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@jazmasta: After grandpa's unfortunate steamroller incident last year, man crush Monday is always a difficult time for me and my family.
@StellaRtwot: Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?
@bigracksonly: Thank you HGTV for allowing my wife to think I could rebuild our house over the weekend.
@TheMichaelRock: Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that.