@ThingsJackDigs: Chainsaws: because "The Texas Weed-whacker Massacre" just wasn't scary enough
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@Donna_McCoy: Just go ahead and put "She always had to pee" on my tombstone, because that's how everyone's going to remember me.
@theshantilly: Coworker: You look angry. Me: I'm not. CW: Really angry. Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE
@NewDadNotes: Me: [every single day for 18 months] da da...say da da. Can you say dada? Say da daaa...daaaa da Daughter: Me: shit Daughter: shit