I’ll give you 10 seconds to take back what you said about my wind chimes.
Champagne lovers are bubblyophiles
You Might Also Like
You can’t fix stupid but you can divorce it
The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago… on this very night
When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say “the baby is crowning!” and they’ll laugh and laugh
God is everywhere and knows everything? God sounds a lot like my ex-wife.
If I was a witch I would cast vague and subtle spells. So and so never gets to see a rainbow again. That type of stuff.
wanna feel old? this is eminem now:
james bond: shaken not stirred
home depot employee: thats how we always mix the paint
If your coffee shop has a passive aggressive “no wifi pretend it’s the old days” sign I’m gonna smoke in there & pay 50 cents for coffee.
I’ve stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,”I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait.”