One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that’s pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious
** Changes Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated.”
You Might Also Like
In the wild a pumpkin can reach speeds of up to 0mph
Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now.
I only buy the essentials on Amazon.
*Opens new Night Vision Goggle Kit*
Me: One food please.
Hey can someone tell CNN about snakes?
Face it, wild horses could easily drag you away.
I mean, that miniature pony at the petting zoo could probably pull you for miles.
I threw up my hands in disgust last night.
Knew I shouldn’t have eaten them.
16: My friend is coming to get something while we’re gone.
Me: Should we leave a key?
16: No, she’ll just go thru the doggie door again.
Me: I bought an elephant.
Wife: how much did it cost?
Me: I don’t rem-
Elephant: I have an excellent memory.
Me: but he was on sale!
Wife: were you?