@MafiaJoker78
*Opens fortune cookie*
~You just ate cat, you thought was beef.
@cravin4
*changes the spelling of ‘team’ to ‘teaim’*
Well that’s one problem everyone talks about fixed.
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@MafiaJoker78
@Roobots
does anyone else pack underwear like they’re going to shit themselves every single day of a trip?
@XplodingUnicorn
I had abstinence-only sex education when I was in high school.
It was called Dungeons and Dragons.
@OhNoSheTwitnt
What idiot decided to call it a narcotics-sniffing dog instead of a drug lab?
@HenpeckedHal
Starting next year, Santa comes in the afternoon while the kids are watching Netflix in their rooms so we don’t have to stay up all night assembling shit.
RT to cosign.
@ThisOneSayz
Maid of Honor speeches shouldn’t end with, “I’ll see you all at her next one.” I know that now.
@robin_991
Every time my niece says OK BOOMER I say OK NO PROM
and she cries and I win.
@landpsychology
Guys if anyone asks, we found him like this, OK
@secondofhername
The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*