@dave_cactus

[Charlie Brown running up and just booting Hey Arnold in the head]

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@djdarrellripley

Co Worker: I’m a workaholic.

Me: Oh. My. God. He’s been drinking Workahol!!

@

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@WilliamRodgers

This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica….

Long story short….Send bail money…

@jwoodham

All of my passwords are the names of various “Friends” characters. Except for Ross. I’ve never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel.

@click4amanda

My dad called to ask if sending an email to the USA costs more. I told him a LOT more, better not risk it

@LurkAtHomeMom

Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.

@scorpicpanda

*gets ponytail caught in elevator door

*hands phone to stranger

“Hey, could you get a shot of this for me?”

@badbanana

Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you.