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@ArfMeasures: [Chasing a dog on my bike]
Me *breathlessly* how is he reaching the pedals?!
DARWIN: 2 Big Mac meals for us… and 9 Happy Meals for the kids
WIFE: we have 10 kids
DARWIN: I know
@ShipInTheKnight: No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
@bingowings14: See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.
@jonnysun: JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy
JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: …OORR
@tweetsbymoon: octopus: [gun in each hand]
cat: you're one short buddy