@gylertagan: [Chasing a man out of the bathroom with a pube] Sir you dropped this!
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@slimmy_shady: "OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don't know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.
@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.
@KeetPotato: me: [pretends to throw ball for my GF's dog and laughs] GF: "you'll regret that one day" me: "why?" GF: "my dog holds grudges" me: "don't be stupid" [one year later] priest: "does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?" from the back: "WOOF"