“I’ll take you for a walk when I’m damn well good and ready!” I say to my dog, defiantly putting on my coat, hat, gloves and scarf while grabbing her leash.
*chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat
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person: what is your dog’s name
me: he won’t say
[runs out of toilet paper]
Me: *picks up cat* sorry, Mittens, desperate times call for desperate measures
me: *gritting my teeth* they will pay for this. you’ll see. they will ALL pay for this
waitress: okaaay… so separate checks then?
I hope that if I ever have to call 9-1-1 for an emergency an essential oil person is not the operator.
Help, I’m hurt.
Apparently trapping people in an elevator overnight (even if you have marsh mellows) not a good way to make friends, people are so sensitive
“Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?” (Dalai Lama job interview)
There should be a morning after pill for Supreme Court decisions.
*answers a bagel like a phone*
i’m just in a meeting right now i’ll call you back
Before I rip these panties off you I gotta ask. Are they Victoria’s Secret or Wal-Mart? It’s important cause I’m on a budget and I’ll feel obligated to replace them.