LOL: laughing out loud
SMH: shaking my head
LMAKNIWNFYSP: leave me alone kyle no i will not follow your SoundCloud page
*checks BMI chart*
*adds “get taller” to New Year’s resolutions*
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*reads the label*
‘this pride may contain nuts*
*swells with pride*
Do people who knit know about the industrial revolution?
– Do you take a shower after having sex?
– Yes, of course.
– Well, how about getting laid a little more often.
Did I tell you about the time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose? No? One time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose.
I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave “quicker”
We were begging to be conned. #MrRobot
friend: want to go swimming?
me: *eating biscuits and gravy* no
alcoholic: you drive me to drink
designated driver: ok
*Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI