@briangaar: [checks facebook] I don't remember everyone I went to high school with loving the national anthem this much
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@ItsAndyRyan: [Zoo] Visitor: "I like that cage at the end that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just got a mirror in it" Zookeeper: "Yup, thought-provoking stuff. *Whispering into phone* The leopard's escaped again"
@SaltyCorpse: When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat.