@70Ceeks

Chefs who can’t admit failure present:
Soft-boiled eggs
Steak tartare
Twice-baked potatoes
Sour cream
Calzones
Pineapple upside down cake

You Might Also Like

@QwertyJones3

DOCTOR: Do you have any questions?

“Can I shower with this cast?”

DOCTOR: What do you think, guys?

PHOEBE, JOEY, CHANDLER, MONICA: Sure!

@SamuelHLowe

That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.

@rickolantern

Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice

@ianduhig

“I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!”

@BoogTweets

*Busts through Kool-aid mans wall*

Kool-aid man: Not cool. What I do is fake. This is our home

Me: I’m sorr…

*A sippy cup starts crying*

@nyquills

[Running out of gas in the desert]

Me: I guess this is the end. We’ll die of thirst soon.

Co-Worker: This is a Pepsi Truck.

Me: *gazing out over the sand dunes* 3, 4 days tops.

@tweetsbyrocket

me: see the wrist strap stops you from dropping the wiimote

voldemort: this is brilliant

[later]

harry potter: expelliarmus!

voldemort: [wand dangling from wrist] lmao nice try

@Darlainky

Friend: Get anything for Valentine’s Day?
Me: Chocolate-covered strawberries and wine.
Friend: Did you get him anything?
Me: No, I spent all my money on my strawberries and wine.

@Death_Buddy

I have a cut on my leg Doc

“Yeah that legs gotta go sir”

But its a tiny cut

“Sorry, I cant save it” *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*