As an incredibly powerful, mostly evil, very attractive supernatural being, I have one weakness:
A female protagonist who has just turned sixteen and thinks there’s nothing special about her at all.
Chefs who can’t admit failure present:
Pineapple upside down cake
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Martin Shkreli has been arrested. Bail will be set, then quickly raised to an amount he can’t possible afford.
[Man chasing me through the woods wearing a hockey mask]
GIVE ME BACK MY PUCK
Hansel and Gretel is my favorite story about two kids who break into an old lady’s house, steal her stuff, and murder her.
If pigs could fly it would make this pig catapult that I just built completely obsolete.
How people walk when they’re:
DATING *holding hands*
ENGAGED *arms locked*
MARRIED *one person is 5 feet in front of the other and yelling back at them for parking so far away*
I feel as though we’ve come too far as a society to go camping on purpose.
Why do they say “break a leg !” to actors ?
If you said “tear an ACL !” to a star athlete,
you’d be shot on the spot.
I love how girls say that they like a guy with a sense of humour and yet you’ll never find a poster of Mr Bean on their wall.