@donni: Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
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@daemonic3: FRIEND: You gonna see that new movie with Jennifer Lawrence? ME: No way FRIEND: Why not? ME: [kicks a rock] She'd never go out with me
@MrsGoose69: Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood.... I saw the photos - we need to talk.
@sixfootcandy: Him: Let’s go out tonight. Me: It’s a work night and very late. Him: It’s 5:00PM on a Friday. Me: I’M EXHAUSTED. WHY CAN’T YOU HAVE AN AFFAIR LIKE MY FRIEND’S HUSBANDS?