They’re doing a meeting activity called Escape Room and that pretty much sums up what I’m trying to do.
You Might Also Like
Appendi
Appendii
Appendiii
Appendiv
Appendv
Appendvi
Appendvii
Appendviii
Appendix
Sorry I said, “Whoa, hope he’s good at math.” when you showed me your kid’s finger painting.
Was it because I listed you in my contacts as “Vacuum?”
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
And when I looked back, there were no footprints in the sand at all. What kind of beach are you running here?
“As the crow flies” means something entirely different when it’s “in your living room” and you are “hiding in the closet with your cat.”
Don’t have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I’m close to my destination
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
You’re suppose to wear clean underwear in case you’re ever in an accident.
I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me.
Husband: No stubble? Did you finally shave your legs?
Me: No. I grew it out so you’d stop complaining about the stubble.
ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature
WIFE: yes
ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature
Be right back. Gotta climb a huge hill, put my 4 yr old on a piece of plastic & then shove him down a sheet of ice.
They suggested I elevate my feet and so, I was wondering if your shoulders were available.
Leonardo Dicaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.
*slides note across counter*
Cashier (whispers): No problem.
[over intercom system]
“THIS MAN NEEDS CUSTOMER ASSISTANCE WITH TAMPONS”
Me: gets up, wakes kids, empties dishwasher, makes lunches, helps make kid beds, does kids’ hair, makes breakfast for everyone, showers, makes coffee, does laundry
Hubs:
I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you, I was arguing with someone in my head and I can only give my attention to one person at a time.
My dog just winked at me, and now I’m wondering just exactly what the two of us are keeping from the rest of the family.
Me: I don’t like ice in my whiskey
Him: that’s neat
Me: yeah, it’s pretty cool
Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…
Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?
a nightmare where I’m performing disney on ice – but I don’t know how to do it, so I panic and just fireman-carry my partner around the arena for the entire seven and a half minute song, serenaded by the boos of furious children
Halloween combines my 3 least favorite things: Answering the door, giving away food and children.
Twitter is like Words With Sociopaths.
This is the ideal male body. You may not like it but this is what peak performance looks like.
Nothing works harder than my sports bra when I’m chasing the ice cream truck.
Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.
I ate everything, including the H.
If you wake me with a text at 5am, I will answer you because I’m helpful but the answer will be that night at 2am because I’m also vengeful.
Heart: Go get her.
Mind: It’s so risky.
Body: Does this recliner vibrate?