Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It’s like I’m living with a monster.
🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶
[whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd]
“Aw hell yeah!”
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[listening to the neighbors argue through the walls]: mmw mmwm wmmw mwm mwwmm wwmw
mwm wmmwm wwmw mmwm
mwwm mmw mmwm mwwm mwmwm
me: oh stephanie youÔÇÖre better than this
Girl: I’ve always had a bit of a thing for bad boys
Dog: [starts putting on his coat] I don’t think this is gonna work out
[flashback to 1st date]
*cuts round hole in bottom of popcorn
Her: No thanks.
(Mom reaches from row behind)
“I’ll have some.”
If we got paid for how many tweets we put out, some of you would be millionaires in mansions.
I’d be living in Government Assisted Housing.
Burritos are what happens when your food hugs itself.
PREACHER: any prayer requests?
3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread
Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat.
Something you may have in your house right now could be killing your children. We’ll tell you about it in 2 days.
– Local News
knights of the ikea table