Make your daily standup meeting shorter
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What color do you think Eddie Smurphy was?
Blue, you racists
UPS guy just acted like he’d never seen anyone answer the door in a super hero cape & a straw farmer hat.
Capricorn: Are you really gonna trust NASA? After they left Matt Damon on Mars? Who does that?
CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak…
CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up)
CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation.
CP: (slowly sits back down)
I have Facebook like reflexes.
“Don’t you mean cat-like reflexes?”
*throws a book and hits you right in the face*
This fitness girl I follow on insta TREATED herself today with regular eggs instead of egg whites… eggs bro.. I will never be fit
[hurls martini into roaring fireplace] WHO TOLD MY DAD ABOUT THE INTERNET
Don’t tell me you’re coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at “the wake” or whatever
This is a lot to take in, even for Florida.