@VeryBadLlama

“cinnamon toast shrimp guy turned out to be a milkshake duck just like bean dad” is a sentence I desperately wish I did not understand

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?

@boxofhamsters

my son swallowed our amazon dash button and now im afraid to hug him for fear of ordering another bulk order of goldfish snacks. am i cursed

@JimmerThatisAll

Yes liquor stores are essential businesses, today it was essential that I get port to go with my cigars.

@Holy_Mowgli

baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold

mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear

@RobDenBleyker

I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.

@Fab_Mommy_

But wait…..does your wife know that you’re divorced?

@sonictyrant

date: wow nice body

me: i like working out

date: it shows

me: *bench pressing cadaver* he’s starting to stink tho

@NotthatAdamWest

Carol from Facebook said she’s “taking it one day at a time,” so I responded “me too. That’s how days work.”