Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?
“cinnamon toast shrimp guy turned out to be a milkshake duck just like bean dad” is a sentence I desperately wish I did not understand
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my son swallowed our amazon dash button and now im afraid to hug him for fear of ordering another bulk order of goldfish snacks. am i cursed
Her: so, are you seeing anyone?
Me: nope, it’s just the voices.
me linking you to my twitter
Yes liquor stores are essential businesses, today it was essential that I get port to go with my cigars.
baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold
mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear
I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.
But wait…..does your wife know that you’re divorced?
date: wow nice body
me: i like working out
date: it shows
me: *bench pressing cadaver* he’s starting to stink tho
Carol from Facebook said she’s “taking it one day at a time,” so I responded “me too. That’s how days work.”