@zgbetty

Class action lawsuits are gangs for white people.

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@RedRegenerated

If you think today’s generation spend too much time playing video games, you should see how much time my generation spent just waiting for the games to load.

@Darlainky

I’m not usually a fan of non-fiction, but this Cheesecake Factory menu is a real page turner.

@cellapaz

Guys, please help. My son accidentally started a sentence without saying “mom” first, and then he kind of short circuited…? What do I do?

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Sorry I put aviator sunglasses on the baby Jesus in your nativity scene and started singing highway to the manger zone.

@SJKSalisbury

Thankfully I haven’t had to go out and panic buy any food as I’ve been saving some plums in my icebox for this very occasion.

@hazelmotes1

Me: when I grow up I’m going to be an astronaut.

5 year old daughter: you’re already grown up. You’ll be dead soon.