This was the Moment when twitter decided to double the Size of its Application.
Clitorusaurus: A dinosaur never discovered by man
You Might Also Like
Go get it, boy!
*dog returns with silver watch, silver bracelet & silver necklace*
Ugh, you’re the worst golden retriever ever
[Pulls away from kissing]
So you do want me to interview for the cat juggling job?
Lasers were once the biggest scientific breakthrough in history, but now we use them to play with cats.
Me: you know what’s sexy?
god: *texts dinosaur jesus*
dinosaur jesus: *ghosts him*
god: thats it *hurls phone at earth*
dinosaur jesus: wtf is that thing
Sometimes I like to purchase every item on a person’s Amazon wish list for myself and then let them know I’m living their best life
[first mma fight]
me: Pikachu I choose you!
Ref: this isn’t a Pokémon battle
me: *throws rat taped to a taser*
A younger man said I have a smokin hot body for an older woman…
I’m not sure if I should thank him or put him in a time-out.
First, they came for the lettuce… and I said nothing because I don’t eat lettuce.
Then, they came for the kale… and I said nothing because I don’t eat kale.
Then they came for the fries…
and I said, OH. HELL. NO.