“Clue” is a board game about people trapped in a house and one of them is a homicidal maniac who has just killed. Ages 8 and up.
You Might Also Like
My 4yo wants a younger sibling. I keep telling her no. 4 kids is enough. She keeps trying to convince me. Today she said, “you can make this one an outside baby.” Like, the baby only lives outside. She’s getting really good at this. I can maybe go for an outside baby, maybe.
a human soul weights about 1.5 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work today
The cast of Big Brother in Germany doesn’t know about covid-19 and they’re gonna tell them in a live TV special. I have to learn German by tomorrow.
“I hope to find you well.”
I’m sure I had one dug somewhere on my vast estate.
I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that if two people are at Home Depot one of them is pissed about it.
date: i like guys who are mysterious
me: [afraid she may have learned my horrible secret] haha isn’t it great that neither of us has ever made love to a snowman
WIFE: I can’t believe you peed on the seat again
ME: ok first of all in church it’s called a pew
Imagine if you could do crimes like a corporation. Like they find 20 kids in an underground dungeon in my house and I then pledge to reduce the amount of kids in the dungeon by 2030 and I’m praised for my efforts to get kid dungeons out of my industry
The optometrist sees the one eyed man’s glasses as half-full. The pessometrist sees them as half-empty.
[aliens observing earth]
“Horse racing is the shit we gotta start doing that”
Met a dog named Donut. I don’t need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.
Hitting the brakes, I instinctually reach my arm out in front of my passenger seat as my mother did before me. It’s ok, I whisper to my travel Doritos, you’re safe.
Insomnia is just your brain’s way of telling you it’s secretly a squirrel with ADHD.
My daughter reminded me that being older doesn’t mean I’m always right. Sometimes, I’ve just been wrong for longer.
Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, “well, that got racist pretty fast” and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.
Candid photo of me, eating chips.
I may have told my children they can get whatever they want at the store but I have the right as their mother to veto the first 864 things they pick out.
I just pooped my pants in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole nother level.
I confused girdle and wordle, and now I can’t spell for crap but my waistline looks fabulous
I had to drop off a fecal sample for my cat and the vet gave me a form. The last question was, “Do you want your container back?”
Legalize drugs. Criminalize dumbasses.
I don’t know if it’s a cold or a flu, I’ve decided to feed it anyway.
According to legend, if you see a spider on Halloween, it’s actually the spirit of a loved one watching over you. So I guess if you see a ghost on Halloween, it’s actually a spider. Confusing but good information to have on hand.
What base is it when she says, “I saw a box of fish sticks and thought of you”?
“I don’t want to make a spectacle…”
Eye glass manufacturers last day on the job.
You guys Gorilla Glue is not hair care it is lip balm. Spread the word
pharaoh: over my dead body!
pyramid architect: that’s where we’ll build it, yes.
Aw cool firepit!
Me: Thanks! It’s for destroying evidence 🥰
I bet cats are sad that they don’t have a middle finger.