@steeve_again

Co-worker: *spots me in line for Toy Story* wait, you have friends?

Me: *clutching two extra large popcorn for myself* yes and I’m about to see them all

You Might Also Like

@turd_firebird

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

@ChrisScarlette

“just great, I’ve lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse”

-A dinosaur, 66 million years ago

@primawesome

The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I’ve decided to get stronger.

@fuzzlime

Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store

@Sarcasmo718

I’d love to see Jason Statham’s face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.

@Kids_kubed

Hubs: Why are you spending so much time on Twitter lately?

Me: I need to find my people

Him: You have a family, we are your people

Me: *this is awkward* But I’m looking for people I actually like