Co-worker: *spots me in line for Toy Story* wait, you have friends?

Me: *clutching two extra large popcorn for myself* yes and I’m about to see them all

You Might Also Like


If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.


“just great, I’ve lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse”

-A dinosaur, 66 million years ago


The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I’ve decided to get stronger.


Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store


I’d love to see Jason Statham’s face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.


Hubs: Why are you spending so much time on Twitter lately?

Me: I need to find my people

Him: You have a family, we are your people

Me: *this is awkward* But I’m looking for people I actually like