melancholy is my favorite feeling that also sounds like a delicious dog
[coaching little league]
KID: did I do good today,coach
ME: you ate 4 dandelions in the 3rd inning alone, Brayden
You Might Also Like
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would’ve been if he’d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama.
*15 seconds into makeup application*
I’m bored. This is good enough.
For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that’s one of his fantasies: That we have health care.
Isn’t it cool that stamps are like a sticker…but with a job
mom: everyone has to learn to swim
kid: even jesus?
mom: of course
jesus: *sliding across the pool in heelys* lying’s a sin, brenda
You call it nervousness or having the jitters. I call it, I think my body was possessed by a meth addict in detox.
If I wasn’t supposed to drink alcohol with NyQuil, then why did it come with a shot glass?