A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
College: Now that you’re making tons of money with your degree, please donate back to us every year
College: lol ikr?
You Might Also Like
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, “what kinda robot does that one turn into?”
Why isn’t there ghost dinosaurs? They didn’t all finish their business. They didn’t know the comet was coming.
Boss: Why are you late?
Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?
The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise.
6, that’s SIX, people emailed everyone at work with the SAME information which has resulted in 48 replies and now I wanna quit my job.
My family wanted a Disney experience so I charged them $150 to stand in a line for three hours before taking our daughter to the bathroom.
God: You’ll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years
Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30
Moses: We must wander for 40 years
The guy I’ve been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don’t own any animals.
Boss: You need to work on your puncuality.
Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place.