Reporter: *ports again*
College: Wake and Bake
Now: Woke and Broke
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I love making pasta when I have a ton of dirty dishes in the sink. just dump that hot water in there when you’re done, and bam! you’ve got dinner and a set of totally clean dishes!
Watching basketball while on the treadmill feels like reading a book about someone reading an even bigger & better book
The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.
please enjoy this masterpiece I spent way too long creating
*leaves work early and pulls in to seedy 4 hours stay motel on the highway. Looks around to make sure no one sees*
Me: This is going to be so great.
*sleeps for 4 hours*
My kids are at an age now where they are beginning to understand embarrassment.
This is my time to shine.
2 atoms of helium acting funny ~ HeHe
Remember the Scooby Doo episode where they put Scooby down and gave Shaggy the death penalty for ripping the face off an innocent person?
First guy to invent a bread bowl was like
“I’m gonna rip the top of this muffin & pour soup in it”