
ariana grande getting engaged to a non-famous person is really inspiring me to get engaged to a famous person
‘Come over,’ she begged. ‘I need you right now!’
‘Just turn it off and on again,’ he sighed.
He hated these late night rebooty calls.
ariana grande getting engaged to a non-famous person is really inspiring me to get engaged to a famous person
I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
Left my fiancé at the altar. The relationship is over, but the human sacrifice went perfectly
My hairdresser told me that his marriage is crumbling. So, here’s my business idea: A hair salon where they don’t tell me shit like that.
I believe it was Gandhi who said “never create passwords for apps when you’re shitfaced”
Any 4 pics of Alan Rickman together looks like an amazing 80’s new wave band you wish existed
All the time.
*He-Man at table read*
“By the power of Greyskull, I have the- hang on-
*pointing to script*
should it say ‘power’ again here?”
uber driver picked me up “dodger stadium? you goin to the game?” i was like “nah” and we both sat there in silence for the whole ride, both knowing i had lied