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@AimeeHelene1: *comes into work with a sore throat*
*licks everyone's face*
@caithuls: [first date]
ME: Wanna get out of here and *looks around nervously* go to separate places separately?
@liv_reed17: High school teachers: your college professors won’t be nearly as laid back as I am
My college professor:
@BoomBoomBetty: The difference between just buying your teenage son some food on the way home and texting him to ask what he wants is approximately $30.
@DamonHunzeker: Vader: "I am your father."
Luke: "I am your father."
Vader: "Stop copying me."
Luke: "Stop copying me."
Vader: "Shut up."
Luke: "Shut up."
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Guess what?
WIFE: Guess who said their first words today?
ME: He didn't!
WIFE: Yes he did
ME: This is amazing, what did the dog say?
WIFE: I was talking about your son
ME: He said a whole sentence?!!