@AimeeHelene1

*comes into work with a sore throat*
*licks everyone’s face*

You Might Also Like

@bobvulfov

(to my date after each preview at a movie) the actual film will be much longer than that

@Shade510

Me: Whoa…What are you doing?

Wife: I’m donating some of your books…They’re just taking up space.

Me: You don’t get rid of books…besides half of those aren’t even colored yet.

Her:

@DrDogMD

NURSE: I promise. It’s ok. You can come in.
MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure
DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*

@ArfMeasures

Cop: Do you think you can identify the deceased?

Me *nodding* I bet it’s the dude over there with no head

@KKAlThani

Me: why did you stop me?

Cop: for starters you’re not wearing a seatbelt.

Me: what about main course?

Cop: step out of the car.

@TheBoydP

Guys, don’t panic if you find a sticky note from your wife in the morning with only the word “garbage” on it. It’s probably just trash day.

@batkaren

Hey everyone, I’m ABSOLUTELY obsessed with this new web series I’ve been marathoning where I non-stop refresh a worldwide coronavirus counter