“Here’s the lyric: Take On Me.”
“What about Take Me On?”
[4 hrs of arguing later]
“Ok we’ll say both. Now let’s get perms.”
[coming through customs]
Okay Sir 1 last thing before we’re done. Is there anything you’d like to declare?
“I’ve had sex.”
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I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her! And that’s when my son went back to playing Minecraft 🙁
My dad had a weird sense of humor. When I was 5, I tried to “dig a hole to China.” The next day when I went back to dig more, there were egg rolls in the hole
My mother has been called for jury duty. The woman sits on her deck w/a BB gun shooting at deer for eating her flowers. Buckle up defendants
Just got a cramp in my side so that’ll teach me for getting off the couch.
INTERVIEWER: Any questions for me?
ME: How do I access the WIFI?
INTERVIEWER: I meant about the job
ME: Is that all capital?
If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it sarcastically.
I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
some guy a long time ago: it’s my birthday
friends: nice. what if we sang u a song about it while we stare at u
guy: i would hate it
friends: oh ya we would too
guy: perfect let’s do that forever
*teacher sees students sharing a note*
Teacher: why don’t you read that out loud
Student: [reading note] Dear teacher, this is an intervention. Your methods of discipline via public humiliation are uninspired carbon copies of Hollywood tropes. We wrote this letter as a class…